Obviously I’m Bored

Posted in Dudes by Dizzy on February 29, 2008

Craigslist – the answer to and cause of all of life’s problems.

I peruse the personals every couple of weeks for feminist inspiration and a nice reminder of why I’m single. I know you think I’m saying that because I’m embarrassed about the fact that I’m actually searching for my discount version of an eHarmony life-mate, or at least a decent screw, but it’s not true.

No, but I’ve gone on CL dates before. After the last time, the one where dude was seriously offended that I made fun of Miami Sound Machine, couldn’t shut the hell up about Romance languages, got super pissed when I beat him at chess, and then bailed on me when I was in the bathroom, I vowed to never ever do it again. And I haven’t. That was at least 4 years ago.

And the next paragraph, shockingly representative of the kinds of ads that get posted in my area, will tell you why I still don’t consider Craigslist valuable for anything other than finding free toasters and getting rid of moving boxes.

I just want to freaking hold you and listen to 80s love songs – 32

I wont choke the s**t out of you if you dont agree with everything I say and think, unless that happens to vibe with your particular fetish needs. I let bit..I mean women, have their own opinions. I think its cute and healthy too. All I can promise you if you answer this ad is your be the most well f**ked woman in the valley. Ill work that clit as if a group of aliens robbed our planet of all the chocolate pudding. Ill serenade you with 80s love songs till you puke. Write me baby.

Okay baby. Ha! Everytime I read that I find something new that makes me chuckle (in that really horrified, profoundly depressing, “Oh My God I Hate Being Straight” kind of way).

The really fucked up thing? I can hear the voice of the guy who wrote that and I’m pretty sure I made out with him last winter. Yeah, I’m totally going to hell.


6 Responses

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  1. syndicalist702 said, on March 1, 2008 at 1:41 pm

    I bet it’s depressing that these lamers are the rule, not the exception.

    Ick. We’re gross sometimes.

  2. RZ said, on March 1, 2008 at 10:31 pm

    80’s love songs? This is probably the Miami Sound Machine guy.

  3. badmormon said, on March 2, 2008 at 10:38 am

    HAHAHA, I read Craigslist for the same reason! I’m constantly on Casual Encounters to see if I recognize the hard ons:) “Was that someone I dated?” I muse. I also like to put up really Feminist Bitchy ads myself and then make fun of the people who answer. Maybe not helpful over all but it makes my weekends pass and makes me appreciate my spinster status completely!

  4. sigh said, on March 3, 2008 at 11:36 am

    Wow- so glad i don’t read that swill. i suppose it could be fun for a laugh once in a while but more depressing than anyting. i mean, we have to work w/ them and share the planet w/ them even if we don’t date them. ick ick ick

  5. Rachel said, on March 4, 2008 at 1:41 pm

    Hey, I know I’m a bit late in saying this but welcome back! Hello!


  6. Nine Deuce said, on March 5, 2008 at 4:45 pm

    I think Craigslist is an excellent distillation of the problem between men and women in America. If you look at the dating section W4M, the women nearly all list the personality and character traits they’d like to see in a man. In the M4W section, half the ads are from men looking for sex-crazed college students who love massages and cocaine. The other half are pictures of some guy’s dick. OK, maybe 2 of them are from whiny assholes who are looking for someone to take care of them after they got dumped by someone who knew better, but those are pretty bad odds.

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