Women in public places

Posted in Dudes, Misogyny, Mysognistic Bullshit, Women-Blaming by Dizzy on October 2, 2007

I had a conversation with a guy friend recently in which he told me that my friend Pam’s intelligence, humor, friendliness, beauty, and kick-ass pool playing skills were not enough to make her attractive because she was “just a barfly.” Another good friend told me that he would never have a relationship with a woman he met in a bar because he wouldn’t want to be with a woman “like that.” I challenged them both on their sexist double standards and I’ve been mildly obsessed with the idea of The Barfly ever since.

(Okay, before you go questioning my choice of friends, let me just say that I live in a small town. If I didn’t begrudgingly tolerate feminist ignorance among my friends I would have exactly zero of them)

So I decided to do a little investigation into this whole Barfly thing. The official definition is a person who spends a lot of time drinking in bars. However, the slang definition, according to the oft-cited Urban Dictionary, is as follows:

Bar Fly

1. A bar fly is a sleezy woman that hangs out at bars with no other intent but to hook up with a man for the night. Bar flies normally leave a wet stain or mark on bar stools. They are disgusting whores.

2. A heavy drinking woman with a mom face but milf-like qualities such as a nice rack and a small ass. Can be surprisingly tight in the vagina. Will deny being a bar fly.

Apparently there are several synonyms and spin-offs to the Barfly. Yay!

Bar Hag

A chick who hangs at the bar on a daily basis, fucks whover buys her drinks/drugs and thinks she’s hip to the scene.

Bar Nasties

Horribly skanky girls that regularly occupy the local bars trying to hit on bartenders in the attempt to integrate their alcoholic or otherly abused life with someone who is trying to earn money to get through college by holding a part-time job because they want their futures to be stable enough to avoid people like this.

Bar Ho

A stupid drunk ass bitch who goes to the bar strictly to spread her taco.

Bar Slut

A loser whore who tramps around the bar looking for anything that has anything between its legs.

Bar Leech

A woman that takes a man’s offer to buy her a drink with no intentions of dancing or going home with him. After the girl gets the drink she will usually “recieve a phone call that her brothers in the hospital and she has to go”

Bar Troll

Similar to Barfly but a MUCH Nastier Uglier Version, that not even all the alcohol in the world could get you to sleep with her.

Bar Rag

Ugly drunk women who always seems to be at the end of the bar. Will go home with anyone who has at least 5 dollars in pocket.

Ah, there’s nothing quite like the sneak-up reminder of how despised women are. Especially the ones who go out into public.

I have many things to say about the Barfly, but I’ll have to say them in another post because for now, the Urban Dictionary has gotten me all kinds of riled up.

The tagline: “A slang dictionary with your definitions. Define your world.”

My world. Funny.

Under the current reviewing system, newly submitted definitions are entered into the editing queue before appearing on the site. Volunteer editors vote to accept or reject definitions in the queue…Each submission is reviewed by a number of volunteers (the exact number varies, but lies between two and nine), with controversial definitions being viewed by more people. Definitions with more accept votes than reject votes appear on the site.

The quality control issues with that site are obviously enormous and I realize that the bulk of entries are being written by teenage boys (but wait – is the fact that the guys writing this crap are young supposed to make me feel better about the world?), but I’m still quite unnerved by the fact that entries are actually reviewed before being posted and this kind of shit still gets up there. Hot damn, the hate is palpable. These entries were approved, for chrissake.

Ever read the forums at the bottom of movie pages on IMDB? Or the comments on any girl’s YouTube video? Or spam subject lines? My inbox terrorizes me daily. The internet has made it possible to spew hate before unsuspecting and oddly captive readers, the likes of which have never been seen before.

Online public spaces are so often dominated by proud misogyny. Boys write for boys as the default audience and women are intruders, lucky to be let in and laughed at and threatened when they try to point out that they’re actual people and not sex dolls or cartoon characters or ideas. Websites where anyone can say anything inevitably and tragically become places for men to alienate and degrade women; to remind us that we exist on the margins of humanity. Anonymity + no rules = the truth comes out. The gloves are off. No reason to pretend. And it feels fucking awful.

Please, dear feminist readers, start a blog if you haven’t already and write in it if you have. We need more places where we can go to escape the hate.


18 Responses

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  1. Jim said, on October 3, 2007 at 6:31 am

    I’m a n00b feminist supporter, or whatever you want to call me. Pay my blog/journal (and the myspace, too) a visit, if you like.

    You’ll probably surmise that I’m one of the lucky men who are just waking up to what a f**ked up world it is for those of you who carry two x-chromosomes. I need all the help and info I can get because I feel like I’ve been blind and have just been granted the gift of sight. I’m trying to get away from the hatred and act to make the world as fair as it should be. Your input, should you choose to provide it, will be greatly appreciated.

  2. TP said, on October 3, 2007 at 9:56 am

    Well, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, so here I go.

    I hope you like it. I’ll be spreading it around a little bit, but not too much, I hope. What’s a fellow to do if he really gives a shit? Men are the humans who most need to change if feminism is to spread and the world is to improve.

  3. Jim said, on October 3, 2007 at 11:27 am

    Thanks, TP. 🙂

  4. baby221 said, on October 3, 2007 at 12:35 pm

    (Okay, before you go questioning my choice of friends, let me just say that I live in a small town. If I didn’t begrudgingly tolerate feminist ignorance among my friends I would have exactly zero of them)

    The rest of your post is great as usual, but I just wanted to touch on this — I mean hell, I live in a city, and I still think that having friends is just as good as having allies. Even though my friends may disagree with me politically, I know they’ll always be there to support me; allies may be “there” politically, but there’s nothing personal about their attention and I can’t exactly go crying to them with the more mundane aspects of my daily life. Besides, there’s always a chance that friends will come round to the feminist perspective — and even if they aren’t obvious about it, I’ve had more than one guy friend tell me that I’ve made him think about women in a whole new way. And, well, that’s enough for me.

  5. Cola said, on October 4, 2007 at 4:54 pm

    I have a blog! I don’t think I’m doing much more than letting off steam and it isn’t laid out as I’d like to be, but it’s there for the reasons you mentioned. Someday it might be a worthy retreat, but for now I’m at least happy for blogs like this one.

  6. sigh said, on October 5, 2007 at 1:51 pm

    Nice work.

  7. bonobobabe said, on October 5, 2007 at 10:09 pm

    Hmm, but apparently men who hang out in bars and drink and are indiscriminate about who they have sex with are fine. No reason to call them names. Well, I guess they’re called “men.”

  8. Just Another Teenage Feminist said, on October 5, 2007 at 10:43 pm

    It’s scary that definitions like that are considered normal. The patriachy have woman-hating us down to a fine art, defining which type of whore we are.

    I just discovered this blog, great post/s. You rock, and people like you keep me sane.

  9. Dorabella said, on October 5, 2007 at 11:12 pm

    Great post. I’ve been reading your blog for the past month or so, and I’m in love with it–it really pulls no punches. No other feminist blog is as good at making me so righteously pissed-off. I don’t tend to blog about misogyny (or really, non-inane stuff in general) because I’m so aware of it every minute of the goddamn day, I’d just get too overwhelmed and depressed trying to write about it in addition. But hell, maybe that’s not a good enough reason not to.

  10. Jim said, on October 6, 2007 at 8:10 am

    dorabella – the more you write about what misogyny does to you, the more aware guys like me can become of what we are or have been guilty of. Everything helps and is appreciated. We can’t learn about feminism and its importance without your help.

    Thanks, Dizzy. 🙂

  11. Narya said, on October 7, 2007 at 8:23 am

    Well, actually, you CAN, Jim. Read feminist blogs–without commenting. Listen. And one of the things I think is most useful, switch the sexes around and see if the situation/comment/insult still makes sense. If it doesn’t there’s a good chance it’s sexist.

    I reallized that I don’t run into quite as much of what you’re describing, Dizzy, precisely because I don’t read many big-name boy blogs. I read reports, of course, and I have my own interactions with the patriarchy, of course, but not bothering with boy-sites helps.

  12. wheresroxy said, on October 11, 2007 at 8:24 am

    Ah yes, the old double standard… Every time I start holding onto a shred of hope that this crap is finally breathing its dying breath – I run into a nasty little reminder that we really haven’t come that far and the misogyny and the almighty patriarchy are still going strong.
    Worse yet, there are women out there who seek not only to turn back time, but to erase any progress made.

  13. Zee said, on October 15, 2007 at 2:19 am

    Adding another voice to the chorus:

    I am enjoying your blog and am equally riled at those definitions. Must go lie down now.


  14. Chello said, on October 17, 2007 at 6:30 pm

    another voice. I enjoyed your blog.

  15. Jim said, on October 22, 2007 at 7:06 am

    Zee: Thanks for the link.

    *going to get his learn on*

  16. belledame222 said, on November 15, 2007 at 12:08 am

    urbandictionary depresses the hell out of me.

  17. chlorophyll said, on April 28, 2008 at 11:01 pm

    Hi, I’m a newcomer to the blog and feminist blogs in general (came here via Rage Against the Manchine), and am sooo glad I’ve found them. I thought I was living in a world where men and women both hated womankind :-} I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s been noticing the growing misogyny in the American culture.

  18. Viaveneumma said, on October 27, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    This is really cool… Do you understand my black constable Fresh joke! What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny.

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